Personal Log: Stardate 67095.7

I know I’ve been rather quiet this summer.  It’s been a mixed bag, emotional roller coaster of a summer.  This morning, as I’ve been moving around my house, trying to go on with life as usual, I’ve been feeling the overwhelming need to get it all off my chest. This blog is the closest thing to a journal that I’ve ever kept, so it just makes sense to do it here.

This season of big changes in my life began in May with the news that my eldest son had been offered a job in Utah, and had 6 days to pack for the move.  I knew something like this would happen one day, and it was a wonderful opportunity for my son.  This is what raising children is all about … shaping them into happy, responsible adults who will be equipped to strike out in the world, and make their own way.  I found out I wasn’t as prepared for this eventuality as I thought I would be, and spent those 6 days crying as I helped him pack.  Then, on the evening of May 20th, my little birdie flew.  As happy as I was for him, it felt like like my heart was going to break.

fly birdie

However, life goes on, and my husband, youngest son, and I grew accustomed to the change.  Eleven days later, my youngest son graduated from high school.  My son is the young man on the left.

kuyler-graduation

My little family of 3 settled into the summer routine of work and play, and began to make preparations for my youngest to go away to college in the fall.  In the middle of the summer, I had a difficult moment of heartbreak.

In July I decided to add a couple of young Sebastopol geese to the flock of chickens in the pasture. They were beautiful, friendly, and so intelligent.  I fell in love with them immediately.

geese

A few days after bringing them home, a wandering Siberian Husky climbed the pasture fence and killed my new geese, and half the flock of chickens I had raised from chicks.  I was devastated.  It turned out the dog belonged to a neighboring Amish farm, and the Amish farmer did compensate us for the loss.  Unfortunately, here in farm country, a dog that kills livestock has to be put down, which made the whole situation all the more tragic.  I decided to get right back on the horse, and was able to locate a new pair of geese, which I brought home about 3 weeks ago.

new geese

So, this brings me up to this morning.  Yesterday my youngest son moved into his dorm room in Indianapolis.  My beautiful baby boy is now a young man taking his first steps of independence.   My house is a very different kind of quiet this morning, and I’ve started to cry again.   I usually pour my heart out to my mom, but she’s away in England visiting my brother right now.  My husband is out in the woods hunting squirrels, my oldest is in Utah, and my youngest is in Indy posting pictures of  his new  view on Facebook. It’s very different than the view of the cornfield from the bedroom window he’s looked from since birth.

Indy

It’s exciting that my kids are grown up, and beginning lives of their own.  It also marks the end of an era for my husband and I, and the beginning of something new.  I know these changes are normal and good, and common to all parents. My story isn’t unique, but yet it feels like it is.  I know there are many good things to come, but for right now I feel like my heart is breaking.  These children are so much a part of me than they’ll ever know, I love them more than life, and the separation is difficult.

brother messing around

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